Why newcomers complain about Los Angeles residents and 3 ways they go about it.

What newcomers say about Los Angeles residents and what do they do to go about handling it.

You often hear visitors or newcomers to Southern California complain about LA residents as either superficial, flaky, lack substance, are resistant to forming meaningful relationships, deceive, morally questionable, a mix of all those things or all.

Whether that is a stereotype or an accurate depiction of many LA people is less concerning than hearing the residents themselves complain about it. The latter is not just astonishing but often laughable. I’ve pondered over this myself particularly when I’ve reflected on my own behavior as an LA resident. It’s true to some extent that some of those qualities are rampant and are often experienced by many and surprisingly adopted by those who didn’t embody them at some point or another. But it’s hilarious that those who show those qualities themselves hypocritically criticize the locals for showing those same qualities.

The way I see it is when you decide to come and live in Los Angeles there are 3 ways you’ll go about it. You’ll either:

A) Adopt the undesirable qualities for survival/evolutionary purposes which is what most people do (whether they’re willing to admit this or not).

B) You leave and go back to where you came from assuming where you were is better than where you are now.

C) You stay and stick to your roots and hope that you’ll draw like-minded people.

Adopt the undesirable qualities for survival/evolutionary purposes which is what most people do

I believe this is what most people do to some degree or another because at its crux its evolutionary and biological and you do it unconsciously most of the time . You evolve and adapt to your environment because not doing so can be discomforting if not disastrous depending on the severity of the situation, circumstances, where you’re at, who’s around you and so on and so forth. There is a spectrum in the negative impact one can encounter but regardless, you’ll likely to run into some kind of contention. Being agreeable or nice for instance could give some of the natives the wrong impression. I.e you’re interested in them or you want something from them. You couldn’t possibly just be nice for the sake of being nice. You MUST have some ulterior motives they’ll say! Being genuinely and unconditionally nice is unlikely or rare and therefore must come with some motive. I am broadening and generalizing what I am saying here to give some examples that best represent the clash that is often encountered with natives. Another example for instance can be about hospitality. If you came from a community where neighbors don’t only befriend one another but are commonly in each other’s lives and then moved here and showed those qualities from the start, this could really scare people off in LA. Worse, it might invite them to take advantage of you. The natives might get suspicious or puzzled by your hospitality when they don’t know you well enough. And let’s not forget that the locals around you are also pre-programmed to keep their walls and their arms up and the odds are they’ll do so for quite some time before they even let you in.

It’s worth delving into some of the influences that shape some of those observed behaviors that we often forget or undermine like social factors. LA for instance is known to be a busy city, career oriented and highly diverse where habits such as: late work hours, fairly busy lives, activity-filled schedules, multi-lingual, multi-cultural diversity, multiple jobs are just a few of the many common themes you’ll find among residents here. This does not include multiple other more frequently shared and tiresome responsibilities like parenting, long commutes, schooling.. etc. all of which can restrict time which is usually a necessity for fostering meaningful relationships with others. So you’ll often hear that many people have friends and perhaps lots of friends but there is only so many friends you can have that are regulars that you can invest significant time on. The rest are acquaintances either through social media or gatherings.

Los Angeles is also highly diverse which is worth mentioning again. You’ll find people and languages from all over the world here not to mention all the varying habits, rituals, expectations and ways of being and living that goes with that. Now add on people’s consciousness level (integrity meter or lack thereof) which varies from person to person and can be all over the spectrum. — From the lowest of the low (murderers, rapists..etc) to the highest of the high (maybe if we’re lucky) and everything in between which has so much variation in there that I am not sure where I would begin to say anything about it. —All’n’all, it makes it hard to resonate with a group of people when uniformity or a shared set of beliefs, habits or qualities don’t run rampant and if found, they’re not in abundance but perhaps in pocketed areas layered with a set of conditions, qualities or unique circumstances to say the least.

When people come and live there, sooner or later they’ll adopt some of those LA qualities. The herd quality. — One can also say that the transmission of predominant behaviors or qualities (good or bad) is silent and usually quickly spreads across a group like a virus. It takes very strong-minded and strong-willed individuals to not only catch themselves adopting those qualities but consciously reject or refuse them (assuming they’ve already judged them as undesirable for some reason or another). There could also be a period of hardship/resistance that some might go through before they finally give in, change and adopt to their neighbors’ ways.

You leave and go back to where you came from

Those who come from other places like the Midwest often complain the most about the LA locals and some of them don’t stay and adapt. They pick up and go back to where they came from. Their thought process is basically that there is no need to change or put up with this new way of engaging with others when where they came from was filled with nice, caring, warm neighborly people that you can bond with or maybe even lean on during difficult times. This is the quickest way to go back to your comfort zone especially if it’s supposedly better than what you’re experiencing in this new environment you were briefly trying to call home. There are some downsides to this. While it may be easier to return to where you came from, you may also be stymieing your growth if this new place you’re in might offer opportunities that your native home didn’t such as career growth, educational opportunities..etc. Sometimes sacrifices are needed even for just a short while if it means acquiring new skills or opportunities that you wouldn’t have otherwise attained if you stayed put.

You stay and stick to your roots and hope that you’ll draw like-minded people.

Not a lot of people do this one. It’s quite tough because the foundational idea behind it (I suspect) is that who you are and the qualities you stand for and project into the world will draw like-minded people no matter where you live and how different that place and its people may be from you. This one can get philosophical/mystical and is questionable to a lot of people but with simple observation, one can see how birds of a feather flock together. Those who stand for some predominant qualities seem to draw people with similar qualities. It’s almost like they all vibrate at the same energy level and consequently, they observably seem to say and/or do the same things (good or bad) most of the time.

As much as I know that I have projected some of those same negative qualities myself, in my mind I have done them as a protective mechanism. This was particularly the case when I was much younger. My reasoning at the time was that if xx or group xx was not going to let me in, invite me over, lie, deceive, flake etc.. then I must mirror those qualities to protect myself and teach them a lesson (assuming they even recognize those qualities as flaws. Little did I know that many never recognized my behavior as any of those things because in their mind those things were the norm and arguably even (natural). Those that did recognize my behavior as wrong lashed out and in doing so I lashed in return thus spiraling in an endless cycle of vicious behavior. The dynamic was certainly unhealthy but what it made me realize is that many people don’t want to treat others the way they they’d like to be treated. They want to take but they don’t want to have to give. There is an underlying level of greed behind this dynamic that many people don’t want to admit to. To add more insult injury, those that do show some great qualities and don’t see the same in return from others are often disappointed because their “great” qualities are already conditional to begin with and so they inevitably set themselves up for disappointment.

What I have come to realize is that those who put out desirable qualities are often doing it by osmosis but those few that express them unconditionally don’t ever get hurt. The act of givingness that emanates from them is framed differently and is contextualized from a level that one can say is non-linear. They’re doing it essentially for a higher good and not to please A group or A individual but because on some level they realize the act itself is in the greater good period. This is essentially a transcendent perspective that bypasses the linear (cause and effect). It’s something akin to what someone like Mother Theresa would do. If most if not just a portion of us acted in this manner, the world could change but it takes a more advanced level of consciousness to get there.

In summary, adapt in the new environment if you must but take heed that in doing so, you might consciously or inadvertently invite the good, the bad and whatever gray area that might exist between the two. If you simply can’t stand LA’s qualities, leave. If you’d like to stay and take in the good but avoid the bad, then stick to the qualities that you uphold in the highest good, practice discernment and self-awareness and in time you will surely find sources, avenues and people that emanate with similar if not greater qualities. You’ll surely need courage and patience throughout this journey but patience is a virtue and it eventually pays off one way or another. -Cheers!

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